UGH. Postpartum Hormones. Can’t live with them can’t live
without… no, just can’t live with them.
It’s been almost a month (WHAT?!?) since my second sweet blessing entered this world and if my normal emotions weren’t enough to give someone whip lash, the post partum hormone swings could have made someone fear for their life. I can’t help but laugh now but man I’m not kidding. Hormones are no joke and I’m not afraid to admit mine get pretty bad after having a baby.
The first two weeks were brutal. Between the irrational tears I struggled hard with guilt and shame. I went back and forth four times (no lie) with whether I would breastfeed, formula feed, or exclusively pump and that decision making made the guilt even worse.
The guilt of being able to provide my son with the breastmilk but what if I chose not to (for personal reasons)? The shame because if I were to stop breastfeeding even though I was fully capable and others found out? I even lied to my lactation consultant at one point when I was going back and forth because I just didn’t want to be judged one more time. More guilt, more shame…. it just went on and on, back and forth for 3 weeks. My mind was in a constant whirl wind of choices and decisions. More than feeding options, I felt guilt and shame because of the time I wasn’t spending with my first born because of the attention my newborn needed. I got some nosey opinions from some, a lot of support from others, and some good intentioned but judgey comments from others because when you have a baby EVERYONE knows something. Thankfully at a month out my hormones have mostly evened out, and I no longer give a rats
ass what others think of the decisions I made or how I came to make them because both my kids are fed, happy, thriving and tremendously loved.
While I have good days I still have bad days where the tears don’t come till late at night when everyone is asleep. I know it wont last forever so I spend a lot of my time praying. Thanking God for the blessings that surround me and praying for him to take the worries and fears that cloud my mind and cause my tears.
Remember whose you are when hard emotional times sweep over you. You are the daughters and sons of a King who goes before you and is with you always. Surround yourself with those who love you, seek God first in everything and you can’t go wrong. OH… and don’t make choices based on others opinions, do what’s best for you and yours.
P.S.- Shout out to all my family and friends who listened to me vent and cry during these emotional few weeks, supported me, and helped feed our family and clean my house. You guys are the real MVP’s!