Fear. Its a big scary word for me even though I hide it pretty well. But like most I’m sure we all have things we keep well hidden. Truly I’ve only ever had one fear that is not too uncommon but during this second pregnancy I have found myself uncovering one fear after another. One, I believe a lot of woman have feared and even more woman have actually gone through, the other is not in the same boat exactly.
Lets start with what I consider the less likely fear. Zika Virus….yea you weren’t expecting that at all I’m sure. Well the very not well known virus can be detrimental to the health of an unborn baby and when I found out I was pregnant I just so happened to be in Mexico…..
You know when you go to the doctor and you get the “Have you been out of the country in the last year?” line. I was that person who had been out of the country, the reason they even ask the question, the person the virus can truly effect (pregnant). Thankfully I tested negative for the virus but Phillip (my husband) didn’t get tested and it can be transmitted and apparently lives up to 9 months in the body. Perfect. While it (Zika) may seem irrational to some, the fear of your child being born sick, or underdeveloped is a very scary thought. This isn’t something they can test the baby for before being born, this isn’t something they can even detect on an ultrasound. But all the same we see a specialist just in case they spot something, and all the same during every visit they give us the “we don’t see anything wrong but there is no way to tell and the knowledge on this virus is changing constantly so we cant be sure.” Not very reassuring is it?
Moving on to the fear I fear the most….Depression. Specifically post partum depression. A subject I know nothing about but have only read the terror it causes to those who have been through it. When I was pregnant with Brady I don’t think I gave that subject a second thought but this time around I cant seem to get it out of my head. I am truly terrified that I will suffer from post partum depression. And even worse – that I wont come away from it like I read so many other moms doing. I am terrified I will let it eat me away until I am nothing.
…..I haven’t quite mastered how to handle these fears but I take it one day at a time. I remember Gods promise that He is always with me and He will always uphold me. He is my God and because of that I will remain strong and courageous in the sight of fear.
I know I am not the first to have fears (pregnant or otherwise) and I certainly wont be the last and neither will any of you. Please remember that. Because your not alone in your journey, or in your fears. Share them, pray about them and then overcome them. I wont let mine get the best of me and hope you wont either.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9